Chicks Dig Me

So THIS is baseball.....

Back to the ol' ballpark for another season. I was just a baby last time I was here and I barely remember what it was like. One thing I do know: Barry will get his home run title. Easy. Other than that, the garlic fries have shown themselves again, oh so odiferous, and all that dang cheering! Way too loud. I'll get used to it. I guess. More parental fascist control issues again. Sigh. No really, I love all the things my parents love, of course, it's just that....well.....I prefer to Tivo the games and watch them while I get spoonfed and pampered in my own controlled environment. Wouldn't you?

Tempting Pate

I know it looks like I have no hair but it's not true. I have lots of hair, you just can't see it, it's invisible. Like a superhairo with special powers the only problem is I don't know how to make it visible again. If you look at the edges you see what looks like a halo of hair; it is actually a tetrion-barion-carryon field created by my superpowers. This is typical for most superhairos, but none of the commercial products I have tried have worked, the halo never seems to go away. If you have any ideas please let me know.

Teeth

My teeth came in a few days ago. Now I can chew the bottom half of anything you throw at me. If I stay in this position with my mouth open you could toss cheerios or bagels and score points for the ringers.

D.U.C.K.

That last posting was ridiculous, it's like I was trying to sound all smart and stuff or something. Really I am only a kid still, really!

On the Campaign Trail

I am fed up with the way politics in America runs these days. Being the first to ever feel this way I feel obligated to offer a practical viable solution.
It would be a televised contest called "American President". There would be judges, and it would start out with anyone who wants to be president auditioning by giving "speeches" to a panel of judges. The early stages would be hilarious, but soon the serious candidates would be weeded out and sent to Washington.
There they would undergo more opportunities to show their political prowess, and each week a featured guest would mentor the contestants, like say, Henry Kissinger could be there to coach the hopefuls.
America would vote, and each week someone, the weak one, would go home, until finally, the new American President would emerge victorious and ready to lead the country and the world to a better tomorrow.
The following summer of course the final twelve would tour the country, orating away, drawing huge crowds.

upcoming gigs

THIS JUST IN: My world tour will begin August, 2027

Check back soon for specific dates and ticket sales!

ROCK ON

(I Wish I was) Back From Montana

I gotta tell ya', sometimes a vacation is just the thing. You come back feeling so refreshed and ready to get back into the old grind; even the old binky seems to shine again. There is a dude ranch in northern Montana, you gotta go. Fishing, skeet shooting, my favorite is wrangling them heffers. Heifers. Whatever.
Maybe one day I will actually make it there myself.
If my parents will let me.
Ha, fat chance of that ever happening. Always strapping me down into this chair or that, oppressing me. I'm forming a Union, dang it. I'm going to call it B.O.O.B. for Bevies Of Oppressed Babies. Or B.R.E.A.S.T. for Babies Rising Ep Against Stifling Totalitarianism. I want to be free, be free to ride a mustang over fields of....grain, or sorghum, I guess. Grass would be good too.