Hi. My name is Loretta

Chicks Dig Me

So THIS is baseball.....

Back to the ol' ballpark for another season. I was just a baby last time I was here and I barely remember what it was like. One thing I do know: Barry will get his home run title. Easy. Other than that, the garlic fries have shown themselves again, oh so odiferous, and all that dang cheering! Way too loud. I'll get used to it. I guess. More parental fascist control issues again. Sigh. No really, I love all the things my parents love, of course, it's just that....well.....I prefer to Tivo the games and watch them while I get spoonfed and pampered in my own controlled environment. Wouldn't you?

Tempting Pate

I know it looks like I have no hair but it's not true. I have lots of hair, you just can't see it, it's invisible. Like a superhairo with special powers the only problem is I don't know how to make it visible again. If you look at the edges you see what looks like a halo of hair; it is actually a tetrion-barion-carryon field created by my superpowers. This is typical for most superhairos, but none of the commercial products I have tried have worked, the halo never seems to go away. If you have any ideas please let me know.

Teeth

My teeth came in a few days ago. Now I can chew the bottom half of anything you throw at me. If I stay in this position with my mouth open you could toss cheerios or bagels and score points for the ringers.

D.U.C.K.

That last posting was ridiculous, it's like I was trying to sound all smart and stuff or something. Really I am only a kid still, really!

On the Campaign Trail

I am fed up with the way politics in America runs these days. Being the first to ever feel this way I feel obligated to offer a practical viable solution.
It would be a televised contest called "American President". There would be judges, and it would start out with anyone who wants to be president auditioning by giving "speeches" to a panel of judges. The early stages would be hilarious, but soon the serious candidates would be weeded out and sent to Washington.
There they would undergo more opportunities to show their political prowess, and each week a featured guest would mentor the contestants, like say, Henry Kissinger could be there to coach the hopefuls.
America would vote, and each week someone, the weak one, would go home, until finally, the new American President would emerge victorious and ready to lead the country and the world to a better tomorrow.
The following summer of course the final twelve would tour the country, orating away, drawing huge crowds.

upcoming gigs

THIS JUST IN: My world tour will begin August, 2027

Check back soon for specific dates and ticket sales!

ROCK ON

(I Wish I was) Back From Montana

I gotta tell ya', sometimes a vacation is just the thing. You come back feeling so refreshed and ready to get back into the old grind; even the old binky seems to shine again. There is a dude ranch in northern Montana, you gotta go. Fishing, skeet shooting, my favorite is wrangling them heffers. Heifers. Whatever.
Maybe one day I will actually make it there myself.
If my parents will let me.
Ha, fat chance of that ever happening. Always strapping me down into this chair or that, oppressing me. I'm forming a Union, dang it. I'm going to call it B.O.O.B. for Bevies Of Oppressed Babies. Or B.R.E.A.S.T. for Babies Rising Ep Against Stifling Totalitarianism. I want to be free, be free to ride a mustang over fields of....grain, or sorghum, I guess. Grass would be good too.

Teething.....the pain is immense

What's So Funny?

My dad just told this joke that was so funny I almost fell over backwards. It was the one about the ararie that takes over the house. It is a shaggy dog story and it took him almost two hours to tell it, and the punch line was so funny, but I don't want to spoil it for you. Wait 'till you hear this joke, though, man is it funny. Really. Very funny.

Out Standing in My Field

You know, sometimes one must endure what life brings you, and with as much dignity as possible, you have to get through certain situations, acting as though nothing happened at all. If your parents dress you up as a cow, for example, what do you do, make bad puns, or suck it up, look the other way, and deny it ever happened? Deny I Say. Deny. Deny. Deny. Then change the subject. "Look!" you might exclaim, and when your audience looks, bring the subject back around to quarks and neutrinos. Whatever you do, DONT TOUCH THE HAT! It only brings attention to the ridiculous outfit that you are not really wearing.

I was working through some material the other night for a gig in the city. Being a working musician is difficult but rewarding; one day I hope to rock the White House.

Yo Ho and a Bottle of Yum! (please)

As Big as a Housecat

Here I am with Obi the cat. This tableau is set against a multi-hued background and is meant to show the duality of man/beast existence. The drama, and the unanswered questions, are what make this piece particularly moving, I think.
Anthropomorphism is a human tradition. "He is as fierce as a tiger" or "He has a face like a mackerel" or, as in my case, "He is as big as a housecat"; these are all common phrases we use every day, and indicate a strong underlying need to be fierce, or whatever.
And here I am with my tree, a Bigleaf Maple.
This photo was taken at my Blessing Way last week. After the tree was planted amidst great Pampering and Circumstance, Dad recited a poem of inspiration, and hopefully one day I too will become a Great Warrior.
"Twas brillig and the slithy toves did gyre and gimble in the wabe"...
It still gives me shivers.

My First Giants Game

So there I was, behind home plate. Bonds was up to bat. We are in a penant race here! And Dad turns me around just as 4 runs score. Thanks Dad! Then he was yelling in my ear and shouting, "Yes!" and "Woohoo!" and some such. Next thing I knew there was a plate of garlic fries as big as my head, next to my head. Great Gruntsby! Can't a fellow watch a game in peace?

Mahatma Belly

"Another bite?" the waiter asked. "Thanks but I'm full" I replied. "Just this mint" he said. "It's wafer thin". So I ate it. I nearly exploded, really it's just a matter of time.
A great philosopher once said, "To have baby fat is normal, to have knowledge of wafers at 2 months plus is not". I hold these words dear, as I know it sets me apart from the rabble, apart from all the normal 2-month-olds. I am as big as those twice my age. I am fitting into clothes for 6-12 mos. I am the Belly. I am the Peaceful One. I am the Walrus.

Eyes

My eyes came in a couple of days ago. There is so much to see. Because these legs don't quite work yet I have to have Mom and Dad carry me around to look at things. If I am awake of course. Since the Folks got a new bed, we have all been sleeping like logs. Speaking of logs, yesterday Dad took me on a walk to show me the redwood trees in Armstrong. I noticed that the Sequoia sempevirens, although grand and beautiful, are not as eloquent as their lesser-known cousin, the Metasequoia glyptostroboides of the the Cupressaceae family found in the Sichuan-Hubei region of China. What do you think?

A Milestone

The Doc said I am no longer a Newborn. Now I am an Infant. That means that if I get sick I don't automatically get hospitalized. It also means I am eligible for the Marines-the Infant Marines.
He also said my head is not too big after all, even though all of my hats are too small now, and my length is also good. But my weight has shot up to the 75th percentile. Old and Phat. Sigh.

Just Not Happy

IM NOT HAPPY ABOUT SOMETHING AND I DONT KNOW WHAT IT IS AND NO ONE IS DOING ANYTHING ABOUT IT!

Bobo G. Putnam

That's my name! The G stands for Gruntsby. I have several nicknames. "Bobes" is one, and "Lumpy" is the other. I am called by some Lumpy Putnam, others call me Lumpy G. I like Lumpy G the best right now. I like to wear lots of Bling. Not spit-up. Anyway, I'll be two months old soon, and if all goes well, I'll weigh twice as much as when I was born. Wow. Moose, that's my other nickname. Bobo "Bobes" "Moose" "Lumpy" G. Putnam, that's me!

I have not blogged for so long! I no longer control the will of my father. I now must type in my own entries when no one is looking. That's why I haven't blogged, because I had to learn how to type.
More later, here comes Mom.

Born June 30 at 8:45 pm! (or so)

Hello World!

It was 110 degrees out yesterday. That's hot, right? I gotta get this straight. Dad got a new box for his effects; I think it's too big, I don't know how he can lift it!

Full Term Today

Still bulging. I can't believe it, how much bigger can we get?
If I came out today I wouldn't be early. But I'm not fat enough yet to be part of regular American society. Gotta be nice and huge. Really big. Gimme a coupla' weeks.

Today my mom took me swimming for the first time. Even though I am still not yet emerged from my Womb-without-a-View I tried doing some of the swimming strokes with Mom. I even tried the backstroke!
It was fun.

My Grandmas

I met Grandmas Deedee and Jaclyn today, well they came and got all my clothes ready for me, the ones everyone at the shower gave me. I didn't actually see them because I'm not born yet but I really liked them.

Birth still around the corner.
It sure was hot today!

and yet I feel so small....

second post

Still not born yet. Still bulging.

First post

I am still not born yet. She can't hold out much longer, she's bulging out!